I'm the One!

Good evening:
It's a hot summer night in Ewing, New Jersey. Our air conditioning isn't working so the windows are open and it's steamy. I'm not complaining--I'll take heat over cold any day. I had the day off today and yesterday so I buckled down and got to work on writing projects. Here's an update on my writing life:
The cover for "This is Not a Fairy Tale: How I Found Love Online and Almost Lost My Mind" is being designed even as I type this. I cannot wait to see what my designer comes up with. I gave her my vision and I'm sure it'll be awesome. I'm hoping to roll the book out in November if not sooner. It's going through its final edit now before the formatting stage begins.
I have exciting news about my Young Adult novel "Crescent Summer." An agent read it and loved it and is interested in representing me for its publication. We are meeting via the Internet next week to discuss the details. Of course, this means I have to get cracking on writing the two other books in the trilogy. NO PRESSURE!!!! lololololololo (nervous laughter!). I will let you know how it goes after the meeting.
I am enjoying being a flight attendant. It's fun and exhausting and interesting and strange but it's the perfect job for me. I was born for it. I work on my books by day and fly in the evenings and at night and try to catch snatches of sleep here and there.
I'm going to Ohio next week for a few days to be with my daughter who needs some mom time and to be with Tom who was supposed to come see me but I decided to go there instead. Can't wait to see them.
I want to mention my roommates. I live with three fascinating women and two kittens. They're all accomplished, interesting people (not the kittens) who come from all over. Crystaldawn is a nurse from Seattle. She has red hair and a vibrant, bubbly personality. Cheryl is a blonde from Dallas who loves to cook. She's a real estate agent and continues to wheel and deal via her phone and computer in between flights. And Abiola is a Nigerian princess from Atlanta who is working on her PhD in something related to the healthcare field. We are an eclectic group but we get along great. The kitties are Jersey, a calico girl, and Jetway, a black and white boy. They're adorable and precocious. We needed kittens about us much as we needed more holes in our collective heads but nevertheless, we got 'em anyway.
So, I thought I'd try my hand at online dating. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I got lots of responses to my profile but I find reasons to shoot down every offer of coffee or dinner or walks. Bad spellers, bad dressers, too vain, too arrogant looking, too old, too young, too weird, too something. Crystaldawn says I'm gonna find fault with everyone no matter who they are or what they look like. I did have one moment when I thought I'd found someone I'd like to meet. I'd manipulated my phone's screen to get a better look at the details of the person's profile before I actually looked at the person's name or picture. I was excited because the person was a liberal Democrat, Sagittarius, worked in the avaiation industry, same age as me...perfect match! I adjusted the screen to see the person's photo and lo and behold? I was reading my own profile! OMG! I guess true love shall remain elusive and in the meantime I shall enjoy my own company as well as that of my fellow flight attendants, roomies and two cute kittens.
Until next time!
KH

Greetings:
The elusive blogger has returned. I shouldn't really call myself a blogger since I don't blog enough to deserve the title. But anyway...
I have now been a flight attendant for a month and I have to say...it's really fun. Actually, it doesn't seem like a job...but rather more like just flitting about the country on airplanes every day with the occasional day off. Of course, that's because most of the flights have been what's called 'good day' flights meaning that nothing major has gone wrong...except for puking passengers (all of whom have been young men in their 20s), a flood when a water line broke in the rear galley and one massively long tarmac delay. Naturally, I want all flights to be good day flights because if they're not then that's when the job gets real--and nobody wants that (if you know what I mean)...especially in light of the terrible tragedy with the Malaysian airliner shot down over the Ukraine. That was the ultimate bad day flight. So heart-breaking.
Every time I buckle up in my jumpseat, I do wonder for just a moment about the what-ifs. But I don't let the thoughts linger for long. I love to fly too much to ever let fear get the best of me. I've always been fascinated by the sky--the clouds, the stars and especially the moon. Seeing it from the air is nothing short of magnificent, especially the crescent moon and the full moon. I love the sky.
I also love the passengers. My favorite thing to do with the passengers is defuse potential problems. All it takes is a calm, patient, kind voice and most problematic passengers calm down and relax. Frequent flyers are starting to recognize me and they're always pleased that I remember their names (I don't always remember their names but some are so memorable, it can't be helped, like Mr. Kelly who says if I marry him my name will be Kellie Kelly which he thinks would be hilarious. Not sure if his wife agrees).
I should update you on my writing projects. My memoir is still on track to be published sometime in late fall. It's title is: "This is Not a Fairy Tale: How I Found Love on Online and Almost Lost My Mind." It's the story of my Oscar odyssey...how I fell head over heels in love with a mysterious entity who called himself elduck123, married him and moved to Texas to start a new life only to learn that elduck123 was not real. The man I married turned out to be a gaslighter who nearly caused me to lose my mind and my sense of self. And he has since married his next victim. So sad. I hope you all will read my book and perhaps learn from my mistakes. That being said, I have no regrets because I did follow my heart and that matters to me. So anyway...
I am planning to write a romantic comedy called "Love on the Line" about the love lives of four flight attendants who share a crash pad. It's going to be hilarious because I have a wealth of inspiration from which to draw upon all around me. I can't wait to get it started.
I shall close here and get ready for bed. I have to fly tomorrow--to Cleveland--my hometown! But alas, it's just a turn so I won't be able to get off the plane. I'll just wave out the window. Maybe Lebron will wave back. HAHAHAHAHA. I'm actually glad he's back.
I shall return one of these random days with more ramblings. Toodles for now.
Until next time,
KH

Come Fly with Me!

I'm baaaaaack! Yep, Kellie, the elusive blogger has turned up to post some ramblings. So here we go!
Since you last heard from me nearly two months ago, I completed Flight Attendant training with Frontier Airlines in Denver. It was seriously one of the hardest experiences I've ever had. It was a month of learning all about the inner-workings of life on airplanes. During the four weeks of training I crammed more information into my head than I'd ever have thought there was room for. I learned all about FAA regulations, flight management, pre-flighting, security, first aid, firefighting, emergency landing in water, aircraft evacuation, aircraft components, survival in various types of terrain and how to ice the beer!! hahaha!!! I put out a fire, jumped down the emergency slide (scariest. thing. ever.), passed my aircraft evacuation drill (second. scariest.. thing. ever.) and demonstrated that I could save a life with CPR/first aid skills. I also managed to get myself onto the raft twice (once walking on it and once climbing into it--both difficult but I did it!), while wearing my life vest, which when I pulled the tab to inflate it, it scared the living daylights out of me. I also learned the procedure for opening and closing the aircraft doors which is probably scarier than the slide and evacuation drills. I have a healthy and wary respect for aircraft doors. I will always be a little bit afraid of them and that is as it should be. I also watched a lot of plane crash videos which I am kinda obsessed with--weird, I know.
I am now in Trenton, New Jersey, where I will be based. I just got my schedule for the month of July and it is packed with flights mostly to Cincinnati, Cleveland, Indianapolis, Detroit, Tampa and Charlotte. It's gonna be interesting. Frontier flies Airbuses (319s and 320s). I really like them. I have a fondness for the overwing exits (I just hope I never have to go out one!).
I hope all you travelers out there will book a flight on Frontier in or out of Trenton and see me in action. You can make fun of me during the safety demonstration (my favorite part is waving my arms around at the exits) and drive me nuts pushing the call button.
I am still a writer. I always will be. My memoir will be out by year's end with a slightly altered title: "This is Not a Fairy Tale: How I Found Love On-line and Almost Lost My Mind." And once I get my routine down pat, I have two books to write in my Crescent series. The first book is finished but the other two are awaiting my attention.
An update on my ex: Oscar found a woman online about two months after our divorce was final. He married her almost immediately. She is a middle-aged, divorcee with a teen-age son. She kinda looks like me only with blondish-hair. It's shameful really...another victim. I tried to warn her but it was too late. Though I am over Oscar, I will always love elduck123, his alter ego. I guess fantasy is better than reality.
So, anywhooooo, I have re-invented myself yet again. I'll be living in a crashpad with three other flight attendants so that should be interesting. And who knows, maybe Mr. Right will turn up on one of my flights one day and ask for a cup of coffee. I'll keep my eye open but I won't hold my breath. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (hysterical laughter)!!!! Until next time,
Kellie (yes, I am Kellie again--still Hernandez but whateverrrrrrrr)

Up in the Air

Hi all you dear readers:
I know...I know...I know...It's been awhile since my last blog post. I actually wrote a post a few days ago but didn't publish it because Tom advised me not to. He thinks I share too much. HAHAHAHAHA. Isn't that the purpose of blogging? But, I deferred to his judgment and didn't post it even though I liked it. So here I am with a different rambling.
I am happy to announce that I haven't felt down or depressed or bummed in more than a week. As a matter of fact, I've been sort of FLYING HIGH this past week. One of the reasons for this burst of contentment is because I turned in my notice at my little job that was seriously crushing my spirit every time I had to be there.
The older we get, the more we absolutely know that we have to follow our hearts and trust our intuition. As I stated in this blog before, I followed my heart all the way to Texas last year and experienced total and complete devastation, but I have no regrets. How can you regret following your heart? Even if everything goes spectacularly wrong, at least you will never spend a single moment of your life wondering what might have been...because you know.
So....last weekend I followed my heart to Denver. It was a whirlwind 24 hours and I'm so glad I took the risk to go there to investigate the possibility of making a secret dream I've had for most of my life come true. I actually felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz upon learning that she had the power to go back to Kansas within her grasp (the whole time!) just by clicking her heels together three times and saying 'there's no place like home.' In her defense, how the heck was she supposed to know that on her own? Who knows why it takes some dreams longer than others to come to fruition? Only the universe knows.
So...I am going to return to Denver in two weeks to learn something fascinating. Some of my friends already know about my upcoming adventure and I want to go into detail but my advisor (Tom) says I should wait a bit. He didn't tell me I couldn't drop hints though. Teehee! I will be in DEN for three weeks. It's a kind of  boot camp and when I graduate I will be in uniform and ready to FLY. Have you figured it out yet? We all need to spread our WINGS, though some of us are late bloomers in terms of finding our true calling. I am excited and anxious to get there and get started in my new life. And, of course, I will go into more detail after I get through boot camp and get my orders to my new duty station (or base camp...whatever you want to call it).
I am giving true meaning to the title of this blog: Somewhere Else. Oh, boy...it is aptly named. My vagabond life will start much sooner than I'd planned and my mode of transport won't be a Jeep. Look out world! Here I come!
And now...for some updates:
My memoir: "This is Not a Fairy Tale: How I Found Love Playing Words with Friends and Almost Lost  My Mind" will be published later this year by Amazon's Createspace. I can't wait to get it out into the world. This story needs to be told and it's bittersweet for me to be the one telling it. But I'm just as proud of it as the other six books I have out in the world. It's my first non-fiction, but not necessarily my last, though I will always prefer make-believe to reality any day.
A shout-out to my kids for making their own dreams come true. Kayla is going to be an amazing nurse. She is very brave. And who knew playing video games could be an actual job? Go get 'em, Jorgs! As for Tom...he is a chameleon. For all I know he already works for the government and is  just pretending to be a high school student.
A word about friendship. I found out these past months who my true friends are. My true friends stood by me through my fairy tale and nightmare. They offered to come get me out of Texas. They didn't lose touch with me even when I cut myself off from the world. They were steadfast. They are still in my life. Unfortunately, a few friends bailed on me. It's one thing to be a friend when things are great and everyone's life is on track. But fairweather friends are not true friends. True friends stick with you through the storms and help you pick up the pieces after a tornado has torn your world apart. My friendship does not come with an on/off switch. I'm sad to have lost a few, one in particular. I reached out to her but she has chosen not to renew. I wish her well and hope she's happy. As for me: Onward and UPWARD!
Until next time,
DH
(DH are my initials in my new adventure. I never got around to changing my name and now I am Danna Hernandez UP THERE!) But I"m still Kellie (Tayer) Hernandez down here! 

Out of the Blue

Spring has sprung and slowly but surely so is my melancholy state of mind--springing away that is.
I just returned from Tennessee yesterday after attending my sister's funeral. Literally within minutes of posting my last blog entry I got a call from my other sister that Sue had passed away. Sue had been sick for most of her life with every illness from A to Z. Ironically she still had her appendix, not that that has anything to do with anything...just sayin'.... And I just learned that my brother in Alabama is very ill and not doing well at all. Now I'm waiting to hear his prognosis though it doesn't look good.

While I was en route to Tennessee I had an epiphany. Now, you know how epiphanies usually hit you like a bolt of lightning, right? They just pop into your brain and bash you over the head and make you go, "WOW! OF COURSE!" Well, this epiphany kinda sneaked up on me. I think it came upon me slowly because it's always been in the back of my brain just waiting for the right moment to completely unveil itself. This particular epiphany is one that has been lying dormant since my youth though it has shown itself to me several times over the years. But this week, it made itself known in a big way because now is the right time. I've always believed that the universe sends us signs. We just have to be paying attention and acknowledge them and use them to our advantage. You might recall in my last blog post I mentioned that next year after Tom graduates, I'm seriously considering becoming a vagabond and traveling the country and living the gypsy life. But that epiphany I had made me see there is another way to satisfy my gypsy soul and move about the earth freely without any ties to one place. I am exploring this path now and preparing to try my darnedest to make it happen. I won't go into specifics just yet because I am still in the information gathering stage of this plan, but I'll let you know what I'm up to, if/when I have concrete information to share. Fingers crossed for me!

At the moment my state of mind is calm and almost content. I feel a sense of peace though I am still prone to cry at the drop of a hat for no apparent reason. I know this is because of the PTSD and it shall pass in time. I think the change in the weather will help. Also getting back into working out will help. I feel like something big is coming my way...something monumental...and I want to be ready. I heard an amazing song on the radio and I have included the lyrics here. It's by Hunter Hayes who sings the beautiful song "Wanted." I will leave you with his lyrics which at first glance might seem sad but actually are very uplifting. I know this feeling and I'm ready to get out there in the world and be seen, even though that concept kinda goes against my nature--at least in the physical sense. Until next time....
KH

"Invisible"
Crowded hallways are the loneliest places
For outcasts and rebels
Or anyone who just dares to be different
And you've been trying for so long
To find out where your place is
But in their narrow minds
There's no room for anyone who dares to do something different
Oh, but listen for a minute

Trust the one
Who's been where you are wishing all it was
Was sticks and stones
Those words cut deep but they don't mean you're all alone
And you're not invisible
Hear me out,
There's so much more to life than what you're feeling now
Someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible
Oh, invisible

So your confidence is quiet
To them quiet looks like weakness
But you don't have to fight it
'Cause you're strong enough to win without a war
Every heart has a rhythm
Let yours beat out so loudly
That everyone can hear it
Yeah, I promise you don't need to hide it anymore
Oh, and never be afraid of doing something different
Dare to be something more

Trust the one
Who's been where you are wishing all it was
Was sticks and stones
Yeah, the words cut deep but they don't mean you're all alone
And you're not invisible
Hear me out,
There's so much more of this life than what you're feeling now
And someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible

These labels that they give you
just 'cause they don't understand
If you look past this moment
You'll see you've got a friend
Waving a flag for who you are
And all you're gonna do
Yeah, so here's to you
And here's to anyone who's ever felt invisible

Yeah, and you're not invisible
Hear me out,
There's so much more to life than what you're feeling now
And someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible
It'll be invisible

Open Road

When I was a kid growing up here in Ohio, my dad had a couple of nicknames for me. One was Portia just because he liked that name. The other nickname was Vagabond. He loved to talk to people, especially truckers, on his CB (Citizens Band) radio. His CB handle was Doc Watson. He gave me the name Vagabond for my handle. He always wanted me to talk to the truckers on the radio, especially in Spanish when I started learning the language in school. It's interesting to note that even at a young age, I had vagabondish tendencies. I think I've even mentioned this before on this blog. I looked up the definition of vagabond to see if I truly am one. Here's the definition according to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary:
Vagabond - noun - moving from place to place without a fixed home; wandering; of, relating, or characteristic of a wanderer.
Well, technically, I'm not a vagabond...yet. At the moment I have an address where mail comes. I have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in. I have a bathroom where I can shower daily and brush my teeth, not to mention a place to heed the call of nature as the need arises. I have a place to store my worldly possessions. But I know the time is coming when I will begin my new adventure as a vagabond in the literal sense of the word. It's been my destiny since childhood. Truthfully, I thought it would have happened sooner in my life, but the universe had other things in store. Now, however, the time is getting close. My plan was to hang in here until Tom graduates from high school next year, but sometimes things happen that cause plans to change. People turn against you. People let you down. People die. You kind of have to know when to cut your losses and move on.
My sister, who has been sickly all of her life and who has lived longer than anyone ever expected her to, has finally reached the end of her life. She is in a hospital in Tennessee in a coma. She will pass on at any moment. I'm preparing to head down there. I'd considered beginning my vagabond life as soon as my trip there concludes but I can't leave Tom yet, even though my instincts are telling me to run far and run fast.
I have always had a rich interior life and I still do, but the facade of calmness I show to the outside world is masking unbridled turbulence within. I have not been in my right state of mind since the whole elduck123 experience, and now with my sister's imminent passing and unwarranted and unfounded familial discord here in Ohio, the open road is calling me. I know I can't run from problems, but maybe distance, like time, can heal wounds inflicted upon me by the very people who are supposed to care about me the most. I am not writing this for pity or charity, but rather as a way to express emotion, which can be crippling in its intensity if it doesn't have an outlet. Writing has always been my way of expressing myself. I am not an eloquent speaker but I can write. And I will continue to do so until or unless the universe tells me it's time to lay the pen down (or unplug the laptop, as the case may be). Why I continue to listen to and trust the universe is beyond me, but I will continue to do so until I reach an impasse. I'm ending this blog post today with the lyrics to a song I love. It says so much about who I am as a human being on this bizarre planet we call earth.
Until next time,
KH

"Wake Me Up" by Avicii

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can't tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start

They tell me I'm too young to understand
They say I'm caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes
Well that's fine by me

So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn't know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
Hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don't have any plans

Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life's a game made for everyone
And love is the prize

So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself
And I didn't know I was lost

Didn't know I was lost
I didn't know I was lost
I didn't know I was lost
I didn't know (didn't know, didn't know)

Brave? Yikes!

OK, so as you know I've been going through an identity crisis...trying to figure out who I am and where my head is and yada, yada, yada. So today I talked to my two attorneys who facilitated my divorce (the first one) to find out the process for getting my name changed. Because, no matter how much I thought I needed to keep the name as a reminder of my ordeal so I'd never make such a colossol error in judgment again, I realize now that being Kellie Hernandez is not working for me. Turns out...I don't need the freakin' reminder. The process involves filling out a form, paying a small fee and attending a hearing to explain to a judge why I want to change my name. I can handle that. I need to do whatever it takes to get myself back and that includes getting rid of all things Hernandez.
Speaking of Hernandez...I just want to say one thing about him and then move on...I learned yesterday that he has chosen his next victim: A supposedly sweet, middle-aged woman with a teenage son who lives in eastern Louisiana. He met her online and is currently wooing her into his web. I discovered her identity, reached out to her via Facebook and warned her about what she's facing. She did not respond to me but rather contacted Oscar immediately and told him I'd messaged her. The fact that she did not respond to me and went straight to him tells me she is already under his spell and not able or willing to listen to reason. Of course, a year ago this time I wasn't listening to reason either so who am I to judge? All I can hope for on her behalf is that at some point when she starts to feel like her mind is no longer her own, she'll remember my message and get help and get out. I hope it's before all of her money is gone and she's sold her home and quit her job. And I hope she protects her son. I feel so sad for her and knowing what her future holds has caused a setback for me emotionally, but I'm trying to get myself together. Like me, she is a grown woman and she will have to learn the lesson herself. Good luck, Dixie...you're going to need it.
I found myself a part-time job that is sort of a soul-crusher but I know it's only temporary so I have to hang in there until either something better materializes or I finally just say, SCREW IT!, and run off in my Jeep to live the gypsy life, because I'm 99% certain that's what I'm gonna do when Tom graduates next year. I am a true Sagittarian and a gypsy at heart so I may as well prepare to embrace the nomadic life that I know is gunning for me. It's inevitable. I'm quite certain that sometime within the next two years I will be living in my Jeep (I hope it hangs in there with me. I do take good care of it, the ordeal it went through in Texas last year notwithstanding) out on the open road probably heading west. I'd rather make the choice on my own to become a true gypsy than to have it thrust upon me by circumstance...kinda like...to use a baseball metaphor...striking out swinging rather than striking out standing still watching the ball zing past my face into the catcher's mitt. But I'm gonna need to be brave and courage is something I've never had much of, Marine Corps boot camp and childbirth three times notwithstanding (I used that word twice now). Somewhere Colbie Caillat is singing that she wants to see me be brave. Well, OK, Colbie...I'm gonna work on that. I've got time. I can be brave...can't I? Until next time...
KH soon to be KT again