Winning!

I was tossing around ideas about what I'd blog about today and I finally thought of something interesting. I don't want to be maudlin or depressing cuz I'd be killing the Sagittarius Optimism Credo (and lately I have not been living up to our THE GLASS IS HALF-FULL! THINK POSITIVE! IT'S ALL GOOD! mindset) so I was thinking about the lottery. Apparently it's huge again--the Powerball is up to something like $400 million. I hear the lottery commercials on the radio and the TV and they're always spouting this tag line; "Odds are you'll have fun." If you play the lottery, you'll have fun! WEE!!!! YIPPEE!!!!! It's fun to spend money on a guaranteed ZERO return!!!! Wasteful, right? Stupidest tag line ever, right? It's dumb to throw away money on the lottery, isn't it? But then...I got to thinking...actually...it IS kinda fun...to dream about all that money...all the things you could buy...all the places you could go...all that debt you could pay off...imagine the possibilities...what a life you could have with all that wealth. SIGH...................so...what would you do with all the $$$$?
Let's say that after you pay off all your debts and buy a new house and a new car and pay off your (or your kid's) student loans and give generously to charities...let's just say you were going to buy five things. What would they be? Remember, you've already bought a house and a car and paid off debts and college and gone to some exotic locale... (and you've socked away a huge chuck into savings for the future) so what OBJECTS would you buy? I thought it over and here's what I'd buy if I had a few hundred million lying around:
1. My very own publishing company. And then I could help talented but struggling writers to get their voices heard.
2. A small island off the coast of Washington state (if there are any available. And if there aren't any then I'd hire a crew and have one made just for me. And this is where my publishing company would be located). I'd call it Vagabond Press.
3. A driver. I love the idea of having someone who loves driving to drive me anywhere I want to go anytime I want to go somewhere. I like to do things in the car like READ, so with my very own chauffeur, I could read, nap, eat, play games, drink, text, watch TV, you name it and not have to worry about accidents and tickets.
4. A nice-sized Louis Vuitton handbag just because...oooh...they look so yummy. I am a purse/bag/wallet/tote/suitcase/backpack, etc. lover. They're one of my weaknesses but I won't spend big bucks on them. My conscience won't let me....but if money were no object, then, yeah, I'd go for it and deal with the guilt of owning a prestige bag after the fact.
5. The Seattle Seahawks. I'd love to own my own football team and this one is the cream of the crop. And once I had full ownership, I wouldn't change a thing. And I would ask Richard Sherman to marry my daughter cuz...welll...I just love him and he's a little too young for me...but he's just perfect for Kayla. SIGH......
So.........what five things would you buy?
Until next time,
KH

In the Dark

Greetings:
Someone reminded me this afternoon that I haven't blogged recently. So true! I actually kind of forgot! I've been working on querying my memoir to agents and reading for pleasure and I got side-tracked. I've also been job-hunting which is a mentally draining process. Most job applications these days have to be filled out online, so...you sit at your computer for eternity filling out page after page of information (that is on your resume which they have asked you to upload) and then you usually have to take weird personality quizzes that are designed to trick you into answering the opposite way you want to because of the way they're worded and laid out and then when you get all the way through the process you click send and wonder the age old questions? WHERE DID IT GO? WHO WILL SEE IT? IS ANYBODY OUT THERE? Sigh....................Is it possible to apply for every job imaginable and not get one? That's a scary thought...scary enough that I'm casting my job net a little further afield than I had intended to this early in the game. I must be patient and carry on...fight the good fight...soldier on...keep the faith...head up...persevere...yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah. Ugh.
I finally got around to reading THE BOOK of last year--the one the world raved about: "Gone Girl." At first the book infuriated me. I did not like either of the main characters--Nick and Amy--and I wanted them both to just go away. WHAT A COINCIDENCE! LOLOLOLOL...Without giving anything away if there is anyone out there who has not read it yet..., I wasn't the only one who wanted them to go away! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I'm glad I hung in there cuz let me tell  you --that book was a trip!!!!! The author, Gillian Flynn, is quite genuis (and if I was her husband, I'd be very afraid!). Now I am reading "Wild" and I am loving it. It is right up my alley. I can so relate to the author, Cheryl Strayed. I sense she and I are kindred spirits. Both of these books have been made into feature films which will be out this year--the first one starring Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike and the second one starring Reese Witherspoon. I can't wait to see them both!
Several people have messaged me asking what happened in Texas. What happened to my fairy tale? The short answer is: Oscar and I were unequally yoked in a manner of speaking. We didn't see eye to eye on a few issues that are important in a marriage--things we would have learned about the other if we had not been so impulsive! But what made our story so unusual was the fact that he made the realization first (that we were unequally yoked) and didn't bother to tell me for almost three months, during which time I was subjected to a hell the likes of which I have never experienced and was not prepared for. Now, don't get the wrong  idea--Oscar didn't physically abuse me or verbally abuse me. He is a peaceful, patient, calm man. But what he did was almost as bad (in some ways)--he subjected me to a silent, psychological, emotionally lethal cat-and-mouse game. He was the cat and I was the mouse (which is ironic because I have a cat and mice are the only creatures I fear). I had no idea what was happening for three months--all I knew was that there was something wrong--something ominous--in our home. But I was relentless in my quest to uncover the problem and solve it. I'm not kidding when I say that my mental state was shaky during that time, particularly in August when I experienced something I had always feared would get me--depression. I had never felt real depression before but I recognized it when it grabbed me. It was by far one of the scariest moments I've experienced in my life. I don't EVER want to feel that low again. And finally, in October when I got to the bottom of the darkness, I found myself in a catch-22. I was relieved to know the truth of our situation, but fearful of the future (one probably shouldn't burn one's bridges when one does something crazy like elope with a quasi-stranger!). Ironically, thanks to being fearful of my future and what it held and where I would go, I wasn't really able to dwell on the heartbreak of a broken marriage (I guess I lucked out on that one!). And...as soon as the divorce was final, someone reached out to me and helped me heal much quicker than I ever could have on my own. Because, as it happened, there was someone before me who was also the mouse in Oscar's twisted mindfuck (pardon the term but it fits). I know I was luckier than the first victim. I got out faster, but her suffering was identical to mine. We were both gas-lighted by this man we loved. Have you ever been gas-lighted? Are you familiar with the term (or the movie of the same name)? Here is the definition (from Wikipedia):
Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception and sanity. Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.
We were gaslighted by this sweet, loving, patient, kind, godly man--not to the extreme of the definition--but gaslighted just the same. My memoir describes my time with elduck123 (Oscar's Internet name) from start to finish in very candid detail. I didn't hold back and my honesty will more than likely shock you when you read it (if you choose to read it). I'll keep you posted on its state of publication. I shall close here. Until next time...
KH

Alphabetically Speaking

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't resist saying this: I called it from DAY ONE!!!! I knew Seattle would take it all the way to victory! I loooooooooooove that team!!!! WAY TO GO, SEAHAWKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK, so...February already. How'd that happen? I wanted to blog more often and the time was getting away from me...and so is my diet/exercise plan! I have been a naughty girl! My very cute Texas jeans won't button! THE HORRORS! So, with the Seahawks as my inspiration, I am back on track today, recording my caloric intake and going to the gym every other day. That is my plan and I'm sticking to it. I want to be back in those cute jeans by the end of the month! Can I do it? Yes!
As I posted on FB, I finished my memoir. It took me a little less than two months to complete, which is about my normal writing speed, more or less. And now the querying process begins. I hate this stage because it usually means a mailbox (both real and virtual) full of rejections is on the way, but I keep hearing Russell Wilson (the QB of the Seahawks, in case you've forgotten!) say, "Why not me? Why not us?" So that's my mantra, too. Why not me? Why shouldn't an agent bite the hook I'm about to send, baited with an unbelievable true story of a woman way up here in Cleveland who tapped a key on her iPhone late one winter night and conjured up a handsome prince who took her to live in his fairy tale world down in Texas only for her to find out he wasn't quite what he seemed? Why not me? I hope you all (all three of you who read my blog! LOL), will think positive thoughts on my behalf and send good vibrations out into the universe for me. I thank you in advance!
And now, since I don't have anything of importance to say (now, now!), I thought I would show you something I used to do down in Texas at night when I was unable to sleep, kept awake by troubling thoughts and a heavy heart. I used to play games in my head with the alphabet. Here is one I played to help me sleep though I'd often fall asleep before I got all the way to Z, but since I'm awake now (some might beg to differ), I can finish all 26. From A to Z, a list of my favorite words:
A - Albaricoque (which is Apricot in Spanish. How do you pronounce the English word?)
B - Brave
C - Coastal
D - Delicate
E - Elixir
F - Forever
G - Greek
H - Highway
I - Immortal
J - Juxtapose
K - Kinetic
L - Lyric
M - Mandolin
N - Nectarine
O - Oleander
P - Passionate
Q - Quicksilver
R - Random
S - Stay
T - Tangerine
U - Universe
V - Vacancy
W - Wistful
X - Xander (boy's name)
Y - Yours
Z - Zing
Next time you have trouble falling asleep, try listing your favorite words alphabetically and see how far you get. It really helps! OK, all, I'm signing off. The gym awaits (ugh! I mean, Why not me? LOL). Until next time.
KH

Whatchoo talkin' "bout, universe?

Hi!
Today I was driving down the road and I suddenly got all freaky and started to cry. This happened instantly...out of the blue...with no warning...and guess what precipitated the tears????? I suddenly remembered the Seahawks are in the Super Bowl!!!! So if this isn't proof that I'm losing it, what more proof do I need?
Don't worry...I'm not about to go all maudlin or whackjob on you. I feel good today even though I sometimes think the forces of nature are testing me. Well, I don't think they are...I know they are! But at 12:45 p.m. today someone thought of me!!! That's quite something considering I often think I'm floating out here in the universe a lone vessel, nagivating choppy waters with a broken compass...Hannah--you're beautiful, too, and I love and miss you!
I've been working on my memoir every day. It's very cathartic and I have to laugh at myself because the more recent events are harder to recall than the ones that happened early on. I wonder why that is? I'm guessing it has everything to do with the mind and heart having had time to process everything that happened in the beginning while the ending is still being processed.
So, you know how they say if you want something and you're having trouble finding it, you should ask the universe for it? Well, I'm job hunting these days--looking for something to do while I wait for Tom to graduate in 2015. I've only been looking for a couple of weeks and I admit I haven't been looking all that hard but I need to buckle down. If anyone has any suggestions for me, send me a message via FB or email (keltayer@aol.com). Thanks!
Is anyone out there watching American Idol? As much as I love Keith and Harry (and tolerate J Lo), AI has lost its appeal for me. While I was in Texas I watched the entire season of The Voice for the first time (it's one of Oscar's favorite shows) and I have to say...it is far superior to AI. It makes AI look like a circus sideshow by comparison. Just sayin... I'm waiting anxiously for Dancing With the Stars to start up again (my fave show cuz I have this thing for Derek Hough. I hope he's coming back for the next season).
I mentioned the universe earlier. You've heard me say before that the universe is unfolding exactly as it should even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. Well, I have to tell you something about my relationship with the universe. I believe in signs and I know for certain that the universe sends signs. And I have noticed something very interesting that the universe does every time I'm going through certain experiences in my life, such as going for a job interview, writing a new book, trying to make a decision about something big (like running off to Texas to marry a Latin lover that I conjured up one cold, winter night), learning a new, daunting task, etc.. Every single time WITHOUT FAIL, the universe makes the same song play on the radio while I'm listening. It makes sure I hear this same song EVERY TIME (already Kayla and Tom know exactly what this song is because they've been witnesses to this very obvious sign sent from THE UNIVERSE directly TO ME). The song is called "Cable Car" and it's by The Fray. Here are the lyrics as written by the lead singer and pianist Isaac Slade about his troubled relationship with his brother, Caleb, whose nickname is Cable Car:

"Over My Head (Cable Car)"
I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your ...

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and it's effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

And everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows
She's on your mind
Everyone knows I'm in over my head
I'm in over my head
I'm over my...

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Dear Universe: I HEAR YOU! I am acutely aware of just how IN OVER MY HEAD I am about most things. Not to complain or anything but you've made your point. Now could you send me a new song that tells me what to do about it??? I'd appreciate the guidance. My radio is on! I'm listening! I'll know it when I hear it (hahaha...I may have already heard it...is it, by any chance, a message from one Sarah Bareilles...something about her wanting to see me be brave????). Let me know!
Until next time,
KH

Where in the World...

Congratulations, Seahawks! Good luck at the SB!
I know Sherman lost his mind for a minute after the game the other night but I wish people wouldn't be hating on the whole team just because one dude got caught up in the excitement and didn't use good judgment in that rant of his. Seattle is comprised of classy, talented, tough, good sportsmen. I love that team!
So on to other subjects. It's three weeks into the new year and I find myself in a most unusual place--back where I started! Dang! Not where I thought I'd be. It took a lot of convincing to accept that coming back to Ohio was not a backward step with my life but rather a sidestep. It's only temporary. I don't like to look too far ahead because that's just too daunting and I sure as heck don't need to be looking backward (at least not until I finish my memoir), so the day-to-day goal is to stay in the moment. But...I can't help but wonder and speculate as to where I'll finally decide to plant my roots next year. I'm narrowing down my options and zeroing in six places. They are:
1. Washington (Whidbey Island area)
2. Texas (Austin area maybe or Galveston area)
3. Florida (either coast--as long as I'm close to the water)
4. California (somewhere north of San Francisco)
5. Louisiana (there's something about it that speaks to me and draws me in)
6. Someplace unexpected (I'm open to suggestions)
The reason why I call this blog Somewhere Else is because no matter where I am I always want to be somewhere else. I've always been this way. I just can't help it. I wish I could. I make myself crazy sometimes dreaming about being anywhere but where I am. I always feel like I'm chasing some elusive entity...some goal that to anyone else is easily attainable but to me, it's just out of reach. I catch glimpses of it...it's right there...so close...but, damn...I can't quite get there. Last year I defied my own odds by not only seeing what I wanted right in front of me, but actually reaching out, grabbing hold and hanging on to it...for a time. That was big! For someone who's always let fear hold her back, I leaped! I didn't look down...I just jumped into the arms of the universe and hoped it would catch me. And it did...sort of. That leap into the universe was just what I needed! I proved to myself that I could take a risk...go blindly toward the unknown with no guarantee of success or safety. And even though the risk didn't pay off in terms of happily ever after, it paid off in bigger ways. Here's my take-away from my giant leap into the universe:
1. I'm not gonna win the lottery...but buying a ticket helps.
2. I'll never get anywhere if I don't open the door and take the first step.
3. I don't have to know where I'm going as long as I'm going somewhere.
4. With great love comes great risk but love is always worth the risk--always.
5. I had to live the story of my love in order to write the love story of my life.
6. If my plan doesn't work out, I'll make a new plan.
7. Don't make any plans.
8. That music you hear at the end of an awesome movie that captures the theme and sends you out of the theater humming? That happens in real life! A song played on the radio for every big moment I experienced in Texas. My story has a soundtrack! Perhaps every chapter title of my memoir should be a song title. Am I allowed to do that or will I get sued? I'll check into it.
9. Sometimes someone tells you something they really mean at the time they say it  only to find out later they don't.
10. You know that saying, "When one door closes, another one opens?" Well, what happens if the opening of one door and closing of the other don't happen simultaneously and you get stuck in the dark space between the two doors? Food for thought.
I shall close here and go make some lunch. I'm hooked on those Lean Cuisine Salad Additions. Yum!
Have a good January 21st everybody. Until next time...
KH
P.S. Notice the colors of that map up there? Go Seahawks!

Salvation in Seattle

Good morning:
I am aware that my recent blog posts have had a melancholy undertone (that may be the understatment of the century!). So I'm gonna try to be upbeat. HAHAHAHAHA (that was quasi-hysterical laughter there). The irony of it all is that I am characteristically a positive, upbeat, glass-half full, rainbows and sunshine kinda gal. I am a Sagittarius after all (so is Russell Wilson, the QB of my favorite team, the Seattle Seahawks...just sayin'). Speaking of the Seahawks...
I don't think anybody who knows me was/is aware of my passion for the NFL. For the record, I am a late-bloomer where professional football is concerned. It's only been the last three or four years that I've actually paid it any attention.
It used to be that I liked having the football games on the TV because I liked the sound of it. I didn't necessarily understand what those dudes were doing on the field besides throwing the ball around and trying to get it past the goal posts. Frankly, it wasn't all that interesting to me. But I liked the sound of it. And by sound, I mean the actual, literal sound (not the idea of it but the actual, physical sound). I liked the roar of the crowds. I got a kick out of the QB yelling nonsensical jibber-jabber to his teammates that had important meaning to them. The commercials were entertaining, for the most part. And sometimes the talking heads, i.e., the sportscasters would say the most inane things that would catch my attention and make me chuckle as I read a book or cleaned or baked or whatever I was doing while the game was on keeping me company. By the way, in case you don't know, Terry Bradshaw (someone who often says inane and funny things) happens to be my cousin. His grandmother and my paternal grandmother were sisters. He is from Louisiana and this past year I had several occasions to ride on his highway--the Terry Bradshaw Highway. That always made me laugh in its absurdity. I'm not doggin' on Terry. He's alright.
Anyway, getting back to the Seahawks. When I was a student at Kent State University studying journalism a hundred years ago, I had an occasion to cover the sports beat of the Daily Kent Stater newspaper (we had to cover all the beats to get a feel of every kind of story that makes up a newspaper). It happened to be January and almost Super Bowl time. I was given the assignment of interviewing a football player who was in town visiting family. He happened to play for the Seahawks (they were not playing in the Super Bowl). We had a nice chat--he was very nice and I got a cute story out of the interview in which he diplomatically refused to make a prediction as to who would win. I couldn't remember his name so I went back and did some research on-line (how did we survive before Google?) and I found the guy. His name is Jeff West. He was a punter back in the day. The Seahawks were a relatively new team back in the 80's--nobody really paid them much attention as I recall. Anyway, that was my first connection to the Seahawks. I wrote the story and promptly forgot they existed (I think most of the country did, too).
A couple of years ago I started paying more attention to football. I suddenly found it interesting because I came to the realization that it wasn't as complicated as I thought it was. There is actually a method to the madness out on the field. I found myself getting caught up in the momentum of the games and I noticed that sometimes I would make a comment on what I'd just seen on the field and within seconds, one of the commentators would say exactly what I'd just said. Except I'd said it first! And then I started talking to the players in my head (and sometimes out loud)--telling them how to play the ball--how to run it...whom to pass it to...which way to run up the field...when the QB should pass it vs. just run it himself...whether to use their time-outs or just keep playing...yada, yada, yada. And I noticed they were listening to me! (Well, not really, but it seemed like they were cuz they were doing what I was telling them to even though I was thousands or hundreds of miles away in my living room in Ohio).
I developed a love for two teams; The Buffalo Bills and The New England Patriots. I was a faithful fan for a while but eventually I broke up with them. I ended it with the Bills due to irreconcilable differences and I broke up with the Patriots because of Tom Brady. He turned Hollywood and became untouchable. But I never forgot those Seattle Seahawks. The problem was their games rarely, if ever, played on TV in my area, but I'd occasionally read about them in the newspaper and keep up with their progress. And I even cried when they lost to the Falcons 28 to 30 last year. It's the only time I've ever shed actual tears over a football game.
Until last week I loved San Francisco (but I deleted their app from my phone and ended it with them because they're not nice. I replaced them with the team they beat, the Panthers). I also love the Raiders and the Buccaneers (I've always had a thing for pirates, thank you, Captain Jack Sparrow) and the Chargers and, of course, the Seahawks...
And here's why I love, and am indebted to, the Seattle Seahawks:
Last fall I was in Texas and because we had Directv (and the package called NFL Sunday Ticket) we were able to watch all the games every week. So I got to watch my Seahawks (cuz they're mine, you know). And my love for them grew by leaps and bounds. They're classy, smart, scrappy, excellent at overcoming great odds and coming from way behind and just darned nice guys. And while I was enmeshed in darkness down in Texas, suffering in a situation that was breaking my spirit and I was feeling awfully close to losing my mind, the Seattle Seahawks became my escape. I downloaded their app into my phone. I studied the players' stats. I got to know them via their Wikipedia entries. They were my escape...and in a weird way, my salvation. Because when the Seahawks were playing I knew that for at least three hours I didn't have to think about the situation I was in. I could forget for a few hours that my heart was being bull-dozed and my psyche was being undermined by a master manipulator. I felt happy when I saw their blue and green colors on the big screen TV. I fell in love with Russell Wilson and Marshawn Lynch and Steven Hauschka and Golden Tate and Percy Harvin and Earl Thomas (and yes, even that rascal Breno Giacomini) and all the rest of them.
During Thanksgiving week I flew to Seattle in search of a feeling...a sense of beloning. I drove to Renton where the Seahawks practice and felt their magic. I drove through Seattle and saw CenturyLink Field where they play and I felt their spirit. I bought some Seahawks souvenirs so I could have a piece of them with me--a tangible bit of evidence of their realness. They helped me through dark days and nights when I felt like the a lost soul in an empty world.
Thank you, Seattle Seahawks, for being the classy, cool team you are. Thank you for being with me when I needed something to hold onto. You were a beacon in my storm and I will always be your number one fan. And no matter what happens tomorrow night when you take on the 49ers, you will always be a winner to me. Good luck, guys!
Until next time,
KH

Bittersweet

     One of my favorite words is bittersweet. As a matter of fact, I keep a list of my favorite words in the notepad of my phone. I also keep a list of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard, some of which are sad. I mentioned one of those songs in my last blog post. I'm a list kind of person, come to think of it. But today I'm thinking of the word bittersweet. Everybody knows what this words means, but I decided to look up the definition on Google. And I learned something new. It has four meanings! Here they are in the order listed in TheFreeDictionary.com:
1. A woody vine of the genus Celastrus especially the North American species C. scandens and the eastern Asian species C. orbiculata, having small, round, yellow-orange fruits that open at maturity to expose red seeds. Also called the staff tree. Also called bittersweet nightshade.
2. The color of dark to deep reddish orange.
3. The taste of bitter and sweet at the same time (as in chocolate).
4. Producing or expressing a mixture of pain and pleasure (at the same time).
     There is no doubt I have just rounded the corner of a bittersweet year and what a crazy ride 2013 was! First of all, I can't believe my crazy year is already over. Seriously, how does time go by so fast? Does global warming have something to do with it? Ha ha! Just kidding (though I do believe in global warming in terms of its effects on climate). But...how is it 2014 already and not only that but January is already half over? Wow!
     Time and distance are two concepts that fascinate me and they both played a part in my bittersweet year. Last year I got high--seriously high--and then I got knocked down--hard. I travelled thousands of miles, experienced emotions to an extreme level and felt time pass. I actually felt it. I saw it, too, in an abstract way. Last October 20 was day one of 60 days I spent in a time warp. I lived in a red, metal castle like some weird, modern day Rapunzel (minus the hair, though I do have long hair) waiting for Dec. 20, the day I would be set free from a life I loved and didn't want to give up. But I knew I needed to get out because it was killing me to be there--not physically, but in every other way that can cause harm to a human being. I was engaged in psychological warfare and definitely on the losing team--until Dec. 20. That day in the courtroom, I was proud of myself. I was composed. I didn't shed a tear. I didn't even feel nervous. I think I even smiled. It helped that my Tom was there giving me silent strength like he always does. And I had a great lawyer. My lawyer was great because he had been down that road before with the first Mrs. Hernandez. Little did I know when I randomly chose his law firm from Google that I had unwittingly chosen the same law firm who'd represented the one who came before me. And the lawyer who was randomly chosen to represent me was--believe it or not--the same exact one who'd freed the first wife from the metaphorical prison. And I can call it a prison because that's exactly what it was--a beautiful, twisted, enchanting, dark, bittersweet prison.
You may be wondering--what the heck is she talking about? what does she mean by prison? just how bad was it down there in Texas? Is she making this stuff up? It sounds crazy!
And that's because it was. It was crazy and amazing and bizarre and seriously twisted--you can't make up what happened to me in Texas. I am currently writing a memoir about my experience. I am already 60,000 words in. And I have also written a piece for the New York Times about it. I am waiting to hear if they are going to publish it. If they don't, I'll post it here in this blog. But when you read it, you'll have to keep in mind, you're getting the condensed version--the 'bittersweet' version. In my memoir you'll read about the dark stuff. For the NYT I kept it slightly more upbeat (and that's putting it mildly). There is no doubt about it--I had quite a year. But you want to know the weirdest part of all? The part that I can't even believe myself? Though it was bittersweet and sad and deeply painful, I have no regrets.
I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Until next time,
KH