Out of the Blue

Spring has sprung and slowly but surely so is my melancholy state of mind--springing away that is.
I just returned from Tennessee yesterday after attending my sister's funeral. Literally within minutes of posting my last blog entry I got a call from my other sister that Sue had passed away. Sue had been sick for most of her life with every illness from A to Z. Ironically she still had her appendix, not that that has anything to do with anything...just sayin'.... And I just learned that my brother in Alabama is very ill and not doing well at all. Now I'm waiting to hear his prognosis though it doesn't look good.

While I was en route to Tennessee I had an epiphany. Now, you know how epiphanies usually hit you like a bolt of lightning, right? They just pop into your brain and bash you over the head and make you go, "WOW! OF COURSE!" Well, this epiphany kinda sneaked up on me. I think it came upon me slowly because it's always been in the back of my brain just waiting for the right moment to completely unveil itself. This particular epiphany is one that has been lying dormant since my youth though it has shown itself to me several times over the years. But this week, it made itself known in a big way because now is the right time. I've always believed that the universe sends us signs. We just have to be paying attention and acknowledge them and use them to our advantage. You might recall in my last blog post I mentioned that next year after Tom graduates, I'm seriously considering becoming a vagabond and traveling the country and living the gypsy life. But that epiphany I had made me see there is another way to satisfy my gypsy soul and move about the earth freely without any ties to one place. I am exploring this path now and preparing to try my darnedest to make it happen. I won't go into specifics just yet because I am still in the information gathering stage of this plan, but I'll let you know what I'm up to, if/when I have concrete information to share. Fingers crossed for me!

At the moment my state of mind is calm and almost content. I feel a sense of peace though I am still prone to cry at the drop of a hat for no apparent reason. I know this is because of the PTSD and it shall pass in time. I think the change in the weather will help. Also getting back into working out will help. I feel like something big is coming my way...something monumental...and I want to be ready. I heard an amazing song on the radio and I have included the lyrics here. It's by Hunter Hayes who sings the beautiful song "Wanted." I will leave you with his lyrics which at first glance might seem sad but actually are very uplifting. I know this feeling and I'm ready to get out there in the world and be seen, even though that concept kinda goes against my nature--at least in the physical sense. Until next time....
KH

"Invisible"
Crowded hallways are the loneliest places
For outcasts and rebels
Or anyone who just dares to be different
And you've been trying for so long
To find out where your place is
But in their narrow minds
There's no room for anyone who dares to do something different
Oh, but listen for a minute

Trust the one
Who's been where you are wishing all it was
Was sticks and stones
Those words cut deep but they don't mean you're all alone
And you're not invisible
Hear me out,
There's so much more to life than what you're feeling now
Someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible
Oh, invisible

So your confidence is quiet
To them quiet looks like weakness
But you don't have to fight it
'Cause you're strong enough to win without a war
Every heart has a rhythm
Let yours beat out so loudly
That everyone can hear it
Yeah, I promise you don't need to hide it anymore
Oh, and never be afraid of doing something different
Dare to be something more

Trust the one
Who's been where you are wishing all it was
Was sticks and stones
Yeah, the words cut deep but they don't mean you're all alone
And you're not invisible
Hear me out,
There's so much more of this life than what you're feeling now
And someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible

These labels that they give you
just 'cause they don't understand
If you look past this moment
You'll see you've got a friend
Waving a flag for who you are
And all you're gonna do
Yeah, so here's to you
And here's to anyone who's ever felt invisible

Yeah, and you're not invisible
Hear me out,
There's so much more to life than what you're feeling now
And someday you'll look back on all these days
And all this pain is gonna be invisible
It'll be invisible