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Friday, March 7, 2014


I'm loving the weather today! Sunny and kinda warm. I actually went out for groceries this morning wearing my Newport, Rhode Island, hoodie. Come on, spring!
Do you ever find your emotions all over the place? Not literally, of course, but figuratively--up then down, happy then sad, peaceful then agitated, frustrated then calm, etc., and that was just in a 10-minute span...? Well, that's been me lately and rather than calling the dudes in the white coats to come carry me away, I've been trying to get to the bottom of my own miserableness (is that a word?). I could blame it on what happened to me last year or I could blame the universe or people who have (and continue) to do me wrong, but how's that gonna resolve anything? So I've been psychoanalyzing myself and it always comes back to this. I have such a strong desire to be somewhere else that I can't be happy where I am (see the name of my blog). Now this is not a new issue for me--I've been this way my whole life. My dad used to call me 'vagabond' when I was a kid. My favorite subjects in school were always geography and languages and the arts; music, writing, theater, etc. (all subjects that require one to escape into a new world). To this day, I can spend hours studying maps--I love latitude and longitude--the way the lines crisscross each other in grids and patterns always leading to some new place. I even went to a travel school in Florida back in 1980, not that it did me any good other than to be able to recognize what kind of plane was flying overhead just by listening to its engine (which is cool and probably helped contribute to my life-long obsession with plane crashes). But...I get these fixations on places and I dream of going there and finding happiness. I've fixated on lots of places including but not limited to the following (in no particular order):
The Ariege region of France
The Umbrian region of Italy
Ventura, California
Mendocino, California
Martha's Vineyard
Rhode Island
Washington, D.C.
And then there's Texas and Washington.
About Texas...when I lived there last year, the feeling of wanting to be somewhere else stopped. I never once wanted to be anywhere else other than Texas. I loved it there. I miss it. I felt like I belonged there (sometimes I still do, in spite of what happened). I'm over Oscar but I am NOT over Texas! I'm gonna have to switch my driver's license and plates to Ohio soon and that is gonna be a sad day!
And then Washington. In the last two years I have visited Washington state twice and both times I felt like I belonged there, too. I felt a connection that was much stronger than ones I've felt toward other places, including Spain and even Texas. I've been trying to figure out what that is...why Washington? Why Seattle? Why the Olympic Peninsula? Why Whidbey Island? Why Lake Crescent? Perhaps I should see a Geographologist and have some tests run! If only there was such a thing! HA! But, in any case, Washington is where my heart is right now.
Thomas happened upon a song last night and he came downstairs and played it for me on Youtube. He said it reminded him of me. The song is by Owl City and it's called "Hello Seattle." Here are the lyrics (and he's right--it's just like me--in more ways than the obvious):

Hello Seattle, I am a mountaineer

In the hills and highlands

I fall asleep in hospital parking lots

And awake in your mouth

Hello Seattle, I am a manta ray

Deep beneath the blue waves

I'll crawl the sandy bottom of Puget Sound

And construct a summer home

Hello Seattle, I am the crescent moon

Shining down on your face

I will disguise myself as a sleeping pill

And descend inside of you

Hello Seattle, I am a cold seahorse

Feeling warm in your sand

I sing about the tide and the ocean surf

Rolling in the evening breeze

Hello Seattle, I am an albatross

On the docks and moored boats

I sail above your inlets and interstates

Through the rain and open wind

Hello Seattle, I am an old lighthouse

Throwing beams of bright lights

Red in the morning, blue in the evening sun

Taking heed for everyone

Hello Seattle, I am a mountaineer

In the hills and highlands

I fall asleep in hospital parking lots

Take me above your light

Carry me through the night

Hold me secure in flight

Sing me to sleep tonight

Take me above your light (Hello Seattle)

Carry me though the night (I am a mountaineer, in the hills and highlands)

Hold me secure in flight (I fall asleep in hospital)

Sing me to sleep tonight (parking lots, and awake in your house)
Until next time,

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